What did the fish say?
What did the fish say when he ran into a concrete wall? DAM!
One for the kids:
Why did the elephant put ketchup in his belly button?
So he could lie on his back and eat French fries!
It is the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere. Two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the center of the road. They collide and a fair amount of damage is done. Miraculously neither driver is hurt.
They both get out. One is a doctor, one is a lawyer. The lawyer calls the police on his cell phone and they say they will be there within 20 minutes.
It's cold and damp and both men are shaken up. The lawyer offers the doctor a drink of brandy from his hip flask. The doctor accepts, drinks and hands it back to the lawyer, who then puts it away.
"Aren't you going to have a drink?" the doctor says.
"AFTER the police get here." replies the lawyer.
Ed was a well thought of guy who passed away one day. His wife went into the local paper to help set up the obituary and was told by the clerk that it would cost $1.00 per word. She thought about it for a minute and then wrote "Ed died". The clerk had known Ed and thought this was pretty short, so he told her that he would let her add 3 more words, for no cost. She thought about it again and added 3 words: "Ed died... Boat for sale."
Quote by Mark Twain
When angry, count to four;
when VERY angry, swear!
Golf and Music
"The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music."
What's the difference?
Question: What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
Answer: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
A Whole Lot Easier
Did you ever notice how it's a whole lot easier to get up at 5 AM to go fishing than it is to get up at 11AM to mow the grass?
Relatives gathered for the reading of the will of a man who had recently died.
"Being of sound mind," read his lawyer, "I spent every last cent before I died!"
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