So Far, So Good...

The parents of a little boy are worried sick - eight years old and he hasn't spoken a word! One day he looks up at breakfast and says: "Could I have a little more sugar in my oatmeal?"

The parents are dumbfounded. Hysterically they cry: "You spoke! You said something! Tell us, why have you waited all these years?"

The little kid shrugs his shoulders: "Up 'til now, everything's been okay."

A "Bear" Market

I had a two-hour talk with my broker this morning and I feel so much better about the market. We set up a calculated, all encompassing program designed to reach certain investment goals during the next five years:

GETTING EVEN!

Confucious

It is far better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

Event Advertisement:

Psychic Convention...

You know when.
You know where.

The Chicken

A man was driving down a country road when he was surprised to see a 6' chicken running along side his car. He accelerated and the chicken still kept up. Soon he was speeding along at 50 MPH! Suddenly the chicken turned into a driveway and ran past the house into the field behind.
The man turned around and stopped at the house.
"Did you see that?" he asked the farmer sitting on the porch. "That chicken was huge and he could run faster than any I've ever seen.
"Yep," the farmer responded. "I did some experimenting and created a genetic freak."
"I own a string of fried chicken restaurants," the motorist said. "I think we could make a fortune with such large birds. How do they taste?"
"Don't know," the farmer shrugged. "Never been able to catch one."

All Broken Up

"Why do you look so sad today, Joe?"
"My wife got hit by a truck yesterday."
"You look all broken up."
"Yeah, well, you should see my truck!"

The TV Repairman

A lady calls the TV repairman. After looking inside the set and wiggling a couple of wires, the man puts it back together and turns it on. It works fine.
"That'll be $125," the man says, handing her a bill.
"$125!" she answers. "I took both my kids to the doctor yesterday for their school physicals and immunizations and it only cost me $100."
"I know," the repairman responds. "I used to be a doctor."

When Golfing

When golfing, if your opponent is having a hard time remembering whether he shot a 6 or a 7... He probably shot an 8!

For The Kids...

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A FSH!

Question: What did the water say to the boat?
Answer: Nothing, it just waved.

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